Workshops, Lectures and Keynote Talks

The topics below can be adapted and modified for a professional audience who work with stepfamilies or for an audience of stepfamily members. For weekend or all day workshops, several topics can be selected.

For more information about these topics or to schedule Eleanor S. Alden, LCSW, BCD for your organization, group, meeting, or conference, please contact Eleanor.

What people say about the workshops:

"Excellent coach, made the four hour session interesting and the experience very fulfilling." — J.L., Denver, Colorado

"Learned ways to maintain open communication, and avoid perceived ideas about what my partner is thinking without asking." — C.K., Lakewood, CO

"Eleanor made her presentation very relevant to the people in the workshop. I learned that motivating by guilt is destructive in a marriage." — K.F., Denver, CO

"Very insightful; especially helpful for me around issues of gender communication, and ways to give and receive criticism between spouses so it can be heard." — P.R., Denver, CO

"The workshop offered deeply important insight, rich with examples." — M.M., Colorado

"Eleanor connects well with the audience. She is a wise, intelligent compassionate and healing care giver who validates her audience." — K.S., Aurora, CO

"Comprehensive, informative workshop." — K.B., Pine, CO

"This is a woman who just 'gets it'." — R.L., Aurora, CO

"This was an eye opener; I only wish it were longer than the four hours allowed."

"I grew up pretending I was not a step-child, after my parents divorced when I was nine. I was told to memorize a fake family history so no one would know I was not my stepfather's biological child. This workshop made me proud of who I am, and I also realize I can grieve the loss of my biological Dad who was told I would be happier if he disappeared." — N.W., Arizona

" As a stepfather who loves his stepson, I now feel I am not alone, and can be proud of the title." — A.P., Littleton, CO

Previous Talks

  • February 17, 2011 – Colorado Clinical Society of Social Workers
  • February 18, 2011 – Boulder Friends of Jung (Flyer)
  • March 11, 2011 – Colorado Springs Jung Society (Topic: The Dangerous Parent)

Current Topics


I: A Colliding of Tectonic Plates
When Our Old Paradigm About StepFamilies Is No Longer Viable

  • Why the present day "wisdom" about stepfamilies is inaccurate
  • What new research about today's society and history have in common
  • What makes stepfamilies special and unique, giving unique gifts to children and adults alike
  • Why the cultural resistance to seeing stepfamilies as healthy

More details:

Present day mythology about Stepfamilies assumes that they are a new pattern in human history and often shames and denigrates these families and their members with a harsh negative viewpoint and demeaning language. People who succeed in growing up and becoming successful when raised in them are seen as having done so "in spite" of their situation not because of the step relationships which helped mold them. However, history does not support the idea that stepfamilies are new; in fact, more children over the time or recorded history have been raised in stepfamilies than in what modern culture describes as the norm: a family where children are all blood relatives of both parents. Certainly happily married people without stepchildren is an ideal, but there has probably never been a time when such families formed a majority.

History and mythology supports the wisdom that it was the stepfamily structure that made many people the successful people they are, not in spite of, but because of the step-relationships. Looking at mythology, fairytales, biblical stories and history itself we find an immense wealth of information and wisdom as to what makes step relationships different, challenging, and often transforming and beneficial. That wisdom matches and adds depth to the theories about healthy psychological development, both for adults and children even in a stepfamily environment.

The goals of this lecture/workshop is to examine some of the differences between stepfamilies and those without such relationships, to better define and value the differences so well described in history and myth between step parents and biological parents, and to value archetypal patterns describing ways to focus on the gifts inherent in stepfamilies which can make them successful in supporting stronger marriages and healthy children.

For more information on Topic I as a lecture or workshop topic: contact Eleanor
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II: Unconditional and Conditional Love
The Differences Between StepParents and Biological Parents and Why We Need Both to Live a Successful Life

  • Why the myth of being loved unconditionally is so powerful and compelling
  • What the stepmother with her conditions in myth and fairytale tell us about life
  • What is realistic to expect from a stepparent who, with few exceptions, prefers their own biological children to their stepchildren, and the stepchild who prefers the biological parent.
  • How to embrace the reality of conditionality and let it guide us lovingly to maturity and success.
  • Why the conditional love of a stepparent prepares us for the real world.
  • Why the attempt to avoid conditional parenting and the "Disneyland" parent with no boundaries or discipline is destructive to all.

More details:

Step-parents, primarily stepmothers, are often viewed as monstrously evil women with witch like powers that children need to overcome. The parent who loved them unconditionally is either dead or powerless and absent. These myths certainly can reflect the inner tension a child experiences while growing up and seeing both images in his or her own mother; the mother who loves without conditions and who is all loving and the shadow mother with conditions who can sometimes be frightening. These images also can guide us in the complicated and complex world of step-relationships. The step-parent almost always has a more conditional regard for the child not their own blood. This need not be bad. In the fairytales, such as Cinderella, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs and many others these fairytales also point out that learning to deal with the step-mother and her conditions also prepares the child for the real social world beyond the front door, where conditions abound and unconditional love fades into a mythic longing for a place we seldom find, and then only briefly.

Step-parents often can appear more demanding than biological parents. This trait is exaggerated when the biological parent is fearful of losing the child's loyalty and becomes the under-demanding parent who lacks boundaries and refuses to impose discipline. The present day Disneyland Dad or Mom who is determined to be a friend or endless giver of fun and gifts rather than guidance and discipline is a new version of an old problem. Step-parents may try to avoid the witch's hat by abandoning any kind of parental role leaving children without strong loving adult guidance: that guidance and discipline so necessary to become successful adults with solid relational and social skills.

The goals of this workshop include looking at the value of conditional love when it is "just right, not too hot, nor too cold;" and supporting step-parents in understanding that their role is that of an adult parental figure with their own special gifts to the child. Parent and step-parent roles can be quite different but both are important and with love can be of equal value.

For more information on Topic II as a lecture or workshop topic: contact Eleanor
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III: The Dangerous Parent: Narcissism in Marriages
Groundwork for Divorce and Resulting Stepfamilies;
A Fear Strewn Path to Adulthood for Children

  • Fairytales describe pathological levels of narcissism and its devastation with more depth and color than any of the DSM I-IV descriptions,
  • They also describe how to develop coping skills to continue to grow in family structures where the extreme narcissism of a parent challenges the child.
  • The goal of growing into adulthood and seeing the world clearly, accepting increasing responsibilities, and developing mature relationships and a full life inspite of difficult parents is also described in many tales and myths.

More details:

Snow White and the Seven Dwarves is probably the clearest fairytale about this dynamic. This workshop will go through the fairytale and look at where it matches modern psychological theory and therapy treatment plans, and where it adds depth to this common problem in stepfamily situations. Also looks at the suggested role a step parent can play when a child's biological parent exhibits narcissistic behaviors that seem to intrude into every corner of life. Case studies and examples as well as modern day psychological theories will be examined in light of age old wisdom.

For more information on Topic III as a lecture or workshop topic: contact Eleanor
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IV: Merlin Figures in Life and the Disneyland Dad
Acknowledging Fear and Courage with Different Patterns of Fathering

  • King Arthur is one of the enduring figures in history and literature who exemplifies an idealized image of a stepchild. A man with in many ways two stepfathers, both determined in different ways to raise him to be successful.
  • The lack of mother figures in this tale contrasts with the lack of assertive father figures in many other myths and fairytales.
  • The workshop will look at the archetypal energy patterns in these two stepfather images, and then look at the significance of weak mothering figures, and spoiling father or mother energy in a stepfamily and its significance for adult development issues.
  • Fear and boundary issues abound in both the Arthurian tales and in the energy surrounding the Disneyland Dad images.

For more information on Topic IV as a lecture or workshop topic: contact Eleanor
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V: Differentiating Emotions in StepFamily Crucibles
The Colors of Individuation

  • Envy and jealousy are often experienced as unpleasant feelings, but we need them in inform and guide us
  • No one wishes or hopes to experience unpleasant emotions, but without them we can harm ourselves and others.
  • We prefer joy and pleasant affective experiences, and label them as good, the unpleasant ones as bad at the cost of consciousness and awareness.
  • Yet our culture has very few words to describe emotions and makes our task at understanding complex and complicated emotional experiences even more difficult.
  • Stepfamilies are a cauldron for emotions of all sorts to flourish and inform.
  • Understanding what we are feeling, what our thoughts are that accompany these feelings, and our choices of behaviors is a task demanded of all who wish to be mature and conscious people.

More details:

The suffering that goes with feeling unpleasant emotions is often avoided at the cost of individuation with a desire to stay unaware by avoiding their call to consciousness. Fairytales and myths are wonderful in describing the dangerous power of these feelings, and determining the gold to be gained in the lessons they provide. Unfortunately modern pop psychology at times tends to label anything unpleasant as pathological and shames those who experience them. Envy and jealousy in stepfamilies is almost impossible to avoid, as is anger and fear. Looking at these feelings as guides to individuation rather than as pathology, while being aware of not having ones behavior controlled by the titanic forces they can unleash is goal of this workshop. Developing a courageous personality demands fear to be present, or there is no courage.

In this land of emotions Jung's development of the concept of psychological complexes which are like sub-personalities that overwhelm logical thought, and sometimes elicit unconscious behaviors is examined in the light of history, and modern psychology.

For more information on Topic IV as a lecture or workshop topic: contact Eleanor
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VI. Stepmother as Fairy Godmother
Does it Get any Better than This? Well Yes!

  • Stepmothers often try to avoid being the wicked stepmother of so many fairytales by acting out that figures opposite, the Fairy Godmother.
  • Just like the Disneyland Dad of modern cultural myth, this can be a benefit in small amounts, but most of life this kind of entitlement for doing little but existing is not helpful to anyone.
  • In fairytales Fairy Godmother shows up after the hard work of growing up and learning to work takes place.
  • Understanding how many roles a mother figure can fill helps adults choose when one or the other is appropriate and results in helpful guidance into the rest of the social world while making life in the stepfamily less conflicted.

For more information on Topic VI as a lecture or workshop topic: contact Eleanor
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Check Back — More Workshops to be Added As They Are Developed!

The above workshops can each be one to two hours long, and combinations of such can provide a day workshop, or with group processing and weekend experience for stepfamilies and/or professional clinicians who work clients in step relationships.

For questions or pricing, contact Eleanor Alden.